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Bandos! Check out your
"Band Personalities!!"
FLUTES - Flute players are normally quiet people, but when you get them talking they can be very funny. Always play perfectly and believe they are always right. Male flutists are either very feminine or very snobby.
CLARINETS - Clarinetists are also normally quiet, but they are more rebelious than flutists. A clarinet player will go out of their way to annoy the director. They like to have little contests of who can play the highest notes, annoying anyone in a hundred foot radius.
SAXOPHONES - People who are very perverted! Probably due to the constant "sexophone" joke. The altos are normally secretive about it, but the low saxes are very vocal about their dirty thoughts. Saxes like to gossip, brag and complain about anything, especialy the brass section. need i name anybody???
TROMBONES - The most perverted section in the band. They are always very...giddy, and enjoy having a good time. Also known for harassing band members w/ their slides and emptying spit valves on people's shoulders. (totally true! almost scary!)
TRUMPETS - Very, very, very wacky section of the band. They also enjoy playing very high notes to show off. They are constantly trying to impress people and if there is a solo you can bet there will be blood shed for it. Although they are very competitive, they are always ready to comfort a sad band member.
FRENCH HORNS - A relatively small section who shares many of the same traits as the trumpets. They also like to come out on top, and feel they are the best b/c they play such a rare instrument. Outgoing people who can pretty much befriend everyone in the band.
LOW BRASS (TUBAS, BARITONES, ETC..) - Very kind band members. They are always there to comfort fellow band members who are down in the dumps. Like the trumpets and flutes have contests playing high notes, they have contests w/ the low notes. Like to whine that they never have moving lines.
DRUMS - Truly a unique section of the band. Drummers are very...odd. hahaha. They have something to say about everything and get in trouble at competitions at on field trips for doing strange things that embarass the school. They are like a family and NEVER stop drumming!!!
you are a true band geek when......
(uh oh....)
1.When you walk behind someone and you're in step with them.
2.When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.
3.When all your friends are in band.
4.When you don't mind changing on the bus.
5.When you point out key changes and dynamics while listening to the radio.
6.When every guy/girl you're interested in is in band.
7.When you like wearing your uniform.
8.When people ask you about your social life and you say, "Oh, you mean my horn?"
9.When you consider your set book a fashion accessory.
10.When you've had a "Trombone-ectomy".
11.When you practice your instrument more than you talk to your dog.
12.When being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
13.When people worry when they see you without your instrument.
14.When "armed guard" means girl with pole instead of guy with gun.
15.When band camp is FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16.When you respond to "band queer".
17.When someone says the word "box" and you automatically
put your head up.
18.When you remember the order of flats and sharps more easily than your name.
19.When you dress the lunch line, and encourage others to do the same.
20.When you are alone, you suffocate cause there's no one
telling you when to breathe.
21.When slides feel normal.
22.When your instrument has a name.
23.When you remember your instrument's birthday, and forget your mom's.
24.When making a diagonal is your biggest accomplishment of the day.
25.When backwards marching no longer reminds you of ballet.
26.When you give your instrument a birthday party.
27.When you can make brown shoes look white.
28.When your uniform fits.
29.When white feathers become a fashion "do".
30.When you see your section more than you see your family.
31.When everyone wants to kill the other football
team...and you want to kill the other band.
32.When you walk you automatically start with your left foot.
33.When you think evening practices should last a half an hour longer.
34.When you accidently call your band director "Dad".
35.When you CAN sight-read.
36.When you can put on your uniform in less than two minutes.
37.When reeds taste good.
38.When you actually understand your band director
39.When you think your plume is alive.
40.When marking time is your favorite form of exercise.
41.When you have a neck strap tan line.
42.When you subconsciously start practicing with a pencil.
43.When numbers past 8 aren't important.
44.When you still have concert music from 3 years ago memorized
45.When you roll-step through the cafeteria to avoid spilling your lunch.
46.When you'd rather practice than read this list.
47.When letters past G aren't important.
48.When you're sitting alone in a room and you find yourself humming music from four years ago.
AND FINALLY, THE TROMBONE
JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How can
you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid?
He can't swing and he complains about the slide.
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw? 1. Vibrato. 2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.
How do you save a trombonist from drowning? Take your foot off their head.
Top Ten
Reasons To Play The Trombone 10. weapon of mass destruction in more ways than one... 9. Chicks(or in my case guys) dig the big cases 8. It's shinny!!! 7. Works as a lightning rod 6.
Tastes like chicken 5. Slides nicely when lubricated 4. Scare's away the neighbor's cat 3. Outblows any woodwind 2. No batteries necessary 1. It's the only instrument that doesn't suck
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm? A tattoo.
What do the letters pp mean to a trombone player? 1. An
opportunity for an improvised solo. 2. A polite reminder that he has been playing too loud for the past 5 minutes.
A missionary, on a very important trip in the depths of the
jungles of the Congo, comes upon a lost civilization, which strangely has a deep connection with music. In fact, everywhere he went, he heard in the distance the constant beat of drums. He decides to try and convert these people, but the first thing he had to do was learn their language. After almost three years, he finally deciphers the language. He approches the chief, and the very first thing that the missionary asks is,"Great Chief, everywhere I go here I hear drum beats. Why do you constantly play the drums?" The Great Chief respondes,"IF DRUMS STOP, TERRIBLE DISASTER WILL OCCUR." The missionary, somewhat puzzeled, asks,"Do you think that there will be a flood, earthquake, disease, famine, what?" The Chief
shakes his head sadly and says,"EVEN WORSE. IF THE DRUMS EVER STOP, BIG TROMBONE SOLO!!!" ( most of these are totally not funny)
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